Sequencing one’s life

Visuals by Stanka / written by Alen Mischael Vukelić

To put your life into a sequence is the worst you can do. This was me then, and this is me now. In your mind it looks as a film reel, which has a beginning at some point, and an end at some other point. The pictures seem interconnected, driven through a serious of events, which – in totality – sum up your life as a whole.

Looking at this film can make you feel happy or sad; these two feelings interchange all the way through the pictures in your mind.

This approach has one crucial error – the perspective. You are watching those pictures from one point, which is this moment, but the pictures are all part of different moments.

At one point you are 10 or 15 years old, at another you are 20 or 30 years old and so on. You are seemingly having all memories available in your head at once, as one data block, and from there, you are zooming in to the different parts of your perceived life. The problem is that you are identifying with this person on your screen who is not who you are now. This linearity is a false perception of what actually happens. The person is a mould, which gets destroyed every few years; the mould is being outgrown over and over and the original, only person is this, in this moment.

Our ability to put all the past moulds into a sequence is an error function, which is carrying a heavy burden within: Identifying with each past broken mould keeps the internal watcher in a state of reward or remorse. Every past mould is an identity and perceiver in its own regard and carries within its own responsibility to everything that happens. If it weren’t like that the person would still be in the same, past mould and would not have progressed or outgrown it, into a new one.

Reviewing one’s past experiences is like looking at a skeleton, claiming this to be your body; taking each bone into your hand, watching it closely and commenting on a thigh bone as being your leg. It is a bone which belonged to a former living person, but now it is not that person – in no sense.

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